4 MORE DAYS!

AHHH! This is freaking me out. For the past few lessons, I've been making similar mistakes and didn't really perform that well. At this rate that I'm going, how am I going to pass my test?! I did stupid mistakes such as when my instructor asked me to turn left, I turned right. STUPID right? First time never mind but I repeated the same mistakes. This time he asked me to right and I turn in right signal but turned left. I do not know what the hell was I doing at that time. Next lesson, I made the same mistake again. Turn right, I go and change to left lane which almost couldn't turn to the right place at that time. Sigh..

10!

OMG. I'm dying SOON! !@#$%^&*

Recently, I have been thinking a lot. Thinking lots of stuffs and wondering how things have turned out the way it be. Don't know why but my mind sort of like to think A LOT.

How would you describe your life to others?

If I were to describe my life, I would say that my life is like the ocean. There is ups and downs in life which everyone will experience but each and everyone of us definitely will gain new lesson every time we fall hard on the ground. I have once posted a quote in tumblr "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes. But, when you look back everything is different."

The moment I saw this quote from another tumblr, I straight away re-blog it. If you were to look back at the time you were born to this world till now, a lot of thing indeed changes. And if you realize your life is the sum result of all choices you made, both consciously and unconsciously. If you had a chance to go back in time, would you have done the same thing? or would you change your decision in some ways or decided to do it another way?

Of course, if you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself. Well, if I were given a choice, I would just let things flow the way it should be because I know every decision that I make will always be wrong because in future, I will regret not choosing the other option. Making a decision is not an easy task for me. Some of you may think otherwise but that is me. Some things, once gone, could never be replaced.

All I want is consistency, like the ocean. But I know that the ocean is not consistent. Sometimes it can be calm and sometimes it can be roaring with waves. I know its kind of irony of me writing this but that is what makes it beautiful - unpredictable.

Life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be and that is the fact. Often people do not act as we would like them to be. As time goes by, there are aspect of life that we like while other don't. There will always be people who will disagree with you, do things differently, and most of the time for me, thing doesn't work out the way it should be. But still, we have to move on with life just that we have think it more in a positive way. Because I know that the longer you take to realize you can't go back to the past where things turn out the way it should be, the longer it takes for you to move on. Remember this - Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how hard we wished for. Grow up and accept it.

I know it is easy to say but the truth is, it is hard to accept it. But what can we do about it? All we can do is HOPE. Some may think otherwise, but if we do not have hope, there will not be tomorrow. Every night, we go to sleep. We have no assurance to wake up alive the next morning, but still, we have plans for tomorrow. THAT IS HOPE.

With a note to all:

Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every single cent? Of course. Each of us has such a bank. Its name is time. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose. It carries no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposit, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow". You must live in the present on today's deposit. Invest as much as you can so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today.

oh great.. yesterday was sore throat, ulcers, flu, headache and giddiness. Now FEVER and COUGH came to visit too..

don't know.. Don't Know.. DON'T KNOW!

First of all, I feeling damn down right now. Not sure why am I feeling this way. The only few reasons I can think of would be:

1. Driving test is just 13 days away and it's freaking me out

2. Stress up due to [no.1]

3. Bored

4. Tired

5. More breakout.. due to [no.2, 4, 6]

6. Irritating hair cause me to have [no.5]

7. so on and so forth...

Honestly speaking.. I myself also do not know why. This is one thing that I'm sure some people may have experience this kind of feelings. A feeling that no one really know why are they feeling down or uneasy. All those reasons that I came out with from above are actually excuses that I could think of in replacing the doubt that I have. I guess it for me to find out the reason why.

Next, I guess that I'm SICK! I do not know why either. Guess it must be the freaking weather that is causing all these illness on me. Out of a sudden I'm having unbearable sore throat, 2 freaking pain ulcers, flu, headache and giddiness. All these causing me to have no appetite to eat.

I feel like DYING! Like seriously.. gosh!

To sum up the worst feeling in life:

- Sick [most of us will experience]

- Letting yourself to be beaten down [Most of the time]

- Knowing that you're being lied to [Freaking hate liars!]

- Watching yourself fade away [This is what happening to me right now]

- Hating yourself [Obviously]

- Being along when you're falling apart

- Stress for exams! [Totally]

- Not being good enough [Always]

- Being used

- Best friends falling apart

- Being left out

- Can't have the things that you wished for [As always]

This is all I could think of right now.. I believe there's more of it but I guess these are the common ones

Alright.. I'm not gonna write any further..

Life doesn't make sense.

Gosh! I seriously need to cut my hair! Sigh..

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?!

14 days.. 2 more weeks..

OH MY TIAN.. 2 more weeks to driving test! It's happening so fast!

I remembered August was the month that I started learning how to drive and now, 3 months has passed. 6 more lessons to go..

I'm so stressed! AHH! HELP! I'm so afraid that I might fail the test which I does not wish it to happen because I do not want to waste anymore time and money on driving. My instructor told me that I have the performance but I get nervous easily which is true (not at the performance part but at being nervous).

I have this problem with me ever since when I was young. Well, I guess this does not only occur on me but to others. But I just can't seem to calm myself down whenever I want to do something perfect especially when it has got to do with the word TEST or EXAM. This 2 words totally freaks me out.

Throughout these years, I have been trying to find a solution to this but nothing seems to work on me. Tried a few methods; breathe in and out, think of other stuff or try not to think about the things that are gonna be tested etc. All these methods may worked for others but I guess its doesn't work on me. Even if its worked, it will only last for few minutes or about an hour IF.. I myself also do not know why.

Well.. I guess this is one of the toughest obstacles that I must overcome it quick before somethings happen *choy*

Anyway.. I just hope that I can pass my driving test. This will be my wish for this month! Haha. Hopefully it will be smooth sailing and not something like my past few lessons which I myself knew that I did not perform well. Couldn't really concentrate, stall engine 3 times after so many lessons and no idea what was I thinking while doing parking especially parallel parking. Made all the stupid mistakes which I hardly make and in the end.. I got scolded. Deserved it! AHH!

Seriously hope I can pass my driving test so that I will be able to concentrate on my studies!

Last semester results wasn't as good as compared to Year 1. I was expecting my GPA to drop and yes indeed.. it dropped. But luckily it wasn't as bad as I thought. For this semester, my GPA dropped 0.2 (3.35) as compared to semester 2 result (3.52) and for my overall GPA result, it dropped 0.05 (3.42) compared to last year cumulative result (3.47).

To be honest, I'm not happy with my results and yet not sad about it. The reason that I'm not happy is because my results dropped which is stating the obvious. Secondly, I did not do well for some of my modules be it on assignments, common test or exams which also contributes to my results. Reason of not being too upset about this result? Honestly speaking.. I was expecting it to be worst than 3.35.

Before the results were out, I was predicting my GPA to be like 2.8 or maximum 3.0. I told myself that my results will be bad so be prepared for it because there were few careless mistakes which I made during examination and 1 paper in particular was FREAKING TOUGH. That paper basically killed everyone who are taking that module.

But when I received the sms and looked at my results. The first thing my eye was searching for was OOAD1 which killed us all during exam and I got B for that module. I was totally shocked for a few seconds before looking at the rest of my modules! I would say that was a miracle even though I did not get any As. 4 modules 2 B+ and 2 B. Count myself lucky..

I MUST DO WELL FOR NEXT SEMESTER! I MUST MAKE SURE I GET AN A FOR AT LEAST ONE MODULE!

oh ya, I need to get a haircut REAL SOON. My hair is irritating me and is a hinder to me when I drive on road. Hmmm..

I feel like everything I do is wrong.

Everything I do is not enough. I feel like I am not enough.

I feel like I’m a disappointment, a failure, a let down.

I feel inadequate. I feel pointless and useless.

I feel hopeless.

And the worst part? I feel like none of that will ever change.

23 more days!