Who was I kidding?

I can’t do this. I’m not as strong as I use to be. I’m no where near as strong as I thought I would be.
I just need a new start, a clean slate. I want to go to a place, a place were people don’t have preconceived ideas or expectations of me yet. 


Somewhere where I can feel the sun and embrace life. But lately, I’ve had a feeling that this place doesn’t exist.. but I know it does, somewhere..

I will find this place, I’m determined too, and when I do I will leave. Get away from here because I just can’t do it anymore. I just want to run away and hide from all this and continue to be indenial because i refuse to believe that this is all happening.

Tough luck

Nothing ever goes well for me.. NOTHING!

Crappy feeling

I hate it when I finished my assignment early!

Yes its good to complete my assignments early but whenever I finished my assignment early, I always have a feeling that I might be missing out some points or details but I just couldn't think of what it is and that makes me stressed out.

Ah crap. Stupid..

Accept, Learn and Let go

There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept.
There are things we don’t want to know, but have to learn.
And people we can’t live without but we have to let go.

Things we do

Good Old Days

Invincible - Hedley

Took a long hard look at my life
Lost my way while I was fighting the time
A big black cloud, stormy sky
Followed me, oh I was living a lie 
So heartless, so selfish, so in darkness
When all your nights are starless
You're running outta hope 
But I found the strength inside to see
Found the better part of me
And I'll never let it go

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’
That's right and I mean it, mean it
This time I'm a little run down
I've been living out loud
I could beat it, beat it
That's right, cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa

When you're gone for a day [Gone for a day]
On your own [On your own]
Tear your heart out just to find your way home
I've been so high [Been so high]
I've sunk so low [Sunk so low]
I've come so far, with nothing to show for it
Mistaken, I got so good at taking
But now I'm tired of faking
This story's getting old
So I found the strength inside to see
From the better part of me
And I'll never let it go

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’
That's right and I mean it, mean it
This time I'm a little run down
I've been living out loud 
I could beat it, beat it
That's right, 'cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible

I'm not the only one
That crashed into the sun
And lived to fight another day
Like a super nova
That old life is over [Is over, is over]
I'm here to stay
Now I'm gonna be
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible
[Invincible]

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’ [I’m breathing]
That's right and I mean it, mean it [Mean it]
This time I'm a little run down [I’m a little run down]
I've been living out loud [Living out loud]
I could beat it, beat it
That's right 'cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible

我快要死!

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

TIRED

I'm tired of BEING SAD.
I'm tired of PRETENDING.
I'm tired of REMEMBERING.
I'm tired of BEING ALONE.
I'm tired of FEELING STUCK.
I'm tired of NEEDING HELP.
I'm tired of MISSING THINGS.
I'm tired of MISSING PEOPLE.
I'm tired of feeling WORTHLESS.
I'm tired of feeling EMPTY INSIDE.
I'm tired of NOT BEING ABLE TO JUST LET GO.
I'm tired of WISHING I COULD START ALL OVER.
I'm tired of DREAMING OF A LIFE I WILL NEVER HAVE.
Most of all, I'm just TIRED OF BEING TIRED.

Have you ever felt?

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Pessimistic? Deteriorating? Tired?

I don't know what is happening to me these days. My level of concentration has dropped drastically and no matter how hard I tried to pay attention during class, I just couldn't get whatever information into my freaking head. It felt like my brain is deteriorating and it's getting worse. Assignment start streaming in and now, I'm having trouble writing my report. Struggling to complete within the dateline is hell hard. What is happening?!

Every time I opened my assignment, I just could not concentrate or focus in completing it. There's just something.. which I do not know what it was that kept me from focusing. It's very frustrating! There are currently 2 assignments that are going on and both assignments requires me to submit on week 6 which is next week and how is the progress coming? Both less than 30% done. Depressing isn't it? Less than half of the semester have gone passed and this is happening to me. All I just want is to get pass this final semester and get on with life, is that so much to ask for?

Sure, there are bound to have difficulty and obstacles that one must go through before getting the sweetness of success. But to me, this is a little too much for me to handle. I guess I'm just a weakling.In the past, whenever I faced with problems, I tried my best to overcome it and eventually, I managed to get pass it and moved on to life. But this time, I don't know why but I do not have the motivation or the energy to do so. I guess I'm tired. Tired of suffering, tired of facing obstacles, and tired of fighting it.

Sometimes I wonder, why bad things happened to me? Why can't for once, just once, things would go smoothly for me. I really don't know how to endure it anymore.

I want to die..

Depressed! :(