NS Check-Up

This is kinda unexpected. PES D for now. Further check up need to be done

I HATE MYSELF!

Learn to appreciate the present

Learn to appreciate those around you. Don’t ask for any more or any less than what you already have. Because one day you might just lose it all and then , that’s when you’ll realise that what you had at the time was more than enough.

The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life

I’m an over thinker, I over analyse every situation, every scenario over and over again till I find or receive closure. Lately, I don’t know if I should be feeling happy, upset or confused. All I know is that I feel alone, and it saddens me, really. Even with people around it never fails to click that at the end of the day, it’s still me myself and I. 


There are those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I tend to think, a lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from “ What am I doing with my life?” to “ Did I have homework?” 


The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It’s starting to drive me crazy because the things I would never think about.  I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up things I rather never think about again. You know you shouldn't be looking back but you can’t help it because they really meant something to you and you thought it would of lasted.

I’ve given up all hope for everything

I forgot what happiness feels like

Who was I kidding?

I can’t do this. I’m not as strong as I use to be. I’m no where near as strong as I thought I would be.
I just need a new start, a clean slate. I want to go to a place, a place were people don’t have preconceived ideas or expectations of me yet. 


Somewhere where I can feel the sun and embrace life. But lately, I’ve had a feeling that this place doesn’t exist.. but I know it does, somewhere..

I will find this place, I’m determined too, and when I do I will leave. Get away from here because I just can’t do it anymore. I just want to run away and hide from all this and continue to be indenial because i refuse to believe that this is all happening.

Tough luck

Nothing ever goes well for me.. NOTHING!

Crappy feeling

I hate it when I finished my assignment early!

Yes its good to complete my assignments early but whenever I finished my assignment early, I always have a feeling that I might be missing out some points or details but I just couldn't think of what it is and that makes me stressed out.

Ah crap. Stupid..

Accept, Learn and Let go

There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept.
There are things we don’t want to know, but have to learn.
And people we can’t live without but we have to let go.

Things we do

Good Old Days

Invincible - Hedley

Took a long hard look at my life
Lost my way while I was fighting the time
A big black cloud, stormy sky
Followed me, oh I was living a lie 
So heartless, so selfish, so in darkness
When all your nights are starless
You're running outta hope 
But I found the strength inside to see
Found the better part of me
And I'll never let it go

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’
That's right and I mean it, mean it
This time I'm a little run down
I've been living out loud
I could beat it, beat it
That's right, cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa

When you're gone for a day [Gone for a day]
On your own [On your own]
Tear your heart out just to find your way home
I've been so high [Been so high]
I've sunk so low [Sunk so low]
I've come so far, with nothing to show for it
Mistaken, I got so good at taking
But now I'm tired of faking
This story's getting old
So I found the strength inside to see
From the better part of me
And I'll never let it go

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’
That's right and I mean it, mean it
This time I'm a little run down
I've been living out loud 
I could beat it, beat it
That's right, 'cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible

I'm not the only one
That crashed into the sun
And lived to fight another day
Like a super nova
That old life is over [Is over, is over]
I'm here to stay
Now I'm gonna be
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible
[Invincible]

I've come a long, long way
Made a lot of mistakes
But I'm breathin’, breathin’ [I’m breathing]
That's right and I mean it, mean it [Mean it]
This time I'm a little run down [I’m a little run down]
I've been living out loud [Living out loud]
I could beat it, beat it
That's right 'cause I'm feelin’, feelin’
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible
Oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh oh oh oh oh-oh
Oh-whoa
Invincible

我快要死!

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

TIRED

I'm tired of BEING SAD.
I'm tired of PRETENDING.
I'm tired of REMEMBERING.
I'm tired of BEING ALONE.
I'm tired of FEELING STUCK.
I'm tired of NEEDING HELP.
I'm tired of MISSING THINGS.
I'm tired of MISSING PEOPLE.
I'm tired of feeling WORTHLESS.
I'm tired of feeling EMPTY INSIDE.
I'm tired of NOT BEING ABLE TO JUST LET GO.
I'm tired of WISHING I COULD START ALL OVER.
I'm tired of DREAMING OF A LIFE I WILL NEVER HAVE.
Most of all, I'm just TIRED OF BEING TIRED.

Have you ever felt?

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

Pessimistic? Deteriorating? Tired?

I don't know what is happening to me these days. My level of concentration has dropped drastically and no matter how hard I tried to pay attention during class, I just couldn't get whatever information into my freaking head. It felt like my brain is deteriorating and it's getting worse. Assignment start streaming in and now, I'm having trouble writing my report. Struggling to complete within the dateline is hell hard. What is happening?!

Every time I opened my assignment, I just could not concentrate or focus in completing it. There's just something.. which I do not know what it was that kept me from focusing. It's very frustrating! There are currently 2 assignments that are going on and both assignments requires me to submit on week 6 which is next week and how is the progress coming? Both less than 30% done. Depressing isn't it? Less than half of the semester have gone passed and this is happening to me. All I just want is to get pass this final semester and get on with life, is that so much to ask for?

Sure, there are bound to have difficulty and obstacles that one must go through before getting the sweetness of success. But to me, this is a little too much for me to handle. I guess I'm just a weakling.In the past, whenever I faced with problems, I tried my best to overcome it and eventually, I managed to get pass it and moved on to life. But this time, I don't know why but I do not have the motivation or the energy to do so. I guess I'm tired. Tired of suffering, tired of facing obstacles, and tired of fighting it.

Sometimes I wonder, why bad things happened to me? Why can't for once, just once, things would go smoothly for me. I really don't know how to endure it anymore.

I want to die..

Depressed! :(

WIN!

Me: Can I have more information about Microsoft Reporting? because I have to submit a report to my school and its graded 60%

Supervisor: Google it..

Me: ...

Breakdown soon. FML

AHHHH.. I'M SO SCREWED!! WHAT AM I GOING DO?!

One month left to write my report and I got no content to write for it. 10,000.. 10 freaking thousand words minimum. Look for supervisor, either she's not around or busy with something. How am I going to write without any information or details given to me?!

BUDDHA PLEASE BLESS ME! :( I don't want to fail my final year project.

I wanna get a belt and a wallet but I couldn't find nice ones. I saw this burberry black label wallet. ITS NICE! But sold out ): Plus it's kinda hard to find burberry black label in Singapore as they only available in Japan! What's more.. Most of their wallet are nice! Hais.

I WANNA GO SHOPPING!!

It's too late

It's way too late, you're going to say, "I love you." Then when I don't reply, you're going to muster up everything you have and ask, "Do you love me?" and you know what I'm going to say, "I used to love you, I wish I still did, but you were with all those other guys, and you were way too blind to see what was right in front of you the whole time. I've dropped you hints, and I've tried to make it clear, but you never caught on. So right now I'm going to have to say, we're just friends, like you did to me all those times.

Over You

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath
I felt if I was in way to deep, guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away, there was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And ow I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

Well, I'm putting my heart back together
'Cause I got over you and I got over you
And I got over you

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

Things

There were so many things I wanted to tell you, that I never got around to. Sometimes they make their way to my concious mind, and it makes me sad. I never got a chance to tell you. I never will.

And even now things are going on that I wish I could tell you about.

But I'll never get to tell you those, either.

I’ll back off so you can live
Say it directly, looking at me
Say it looking into my eyes
Did you just say you wanted to break up?
Did you want to end it with me?
(I Know) You probably got a lady
(I Know) You probably got sick of me
Even though the tears are rushing to me
I’ll back off so you can live
That is all I can say
I’ll forget you so you can live better
So that you’ll be happy without me
The love that you tossed away, you can take it
Don’t even leave a trace behind and take it all
Don’t even say you’re sorry
Don’t worry about me
Your lips that told me tha you were going to leave
Why does it give me a reason to be angry today?
I need to stop you, the words don’t go out
And you are already moving far apart
(I know) You will forget me
(I know) I will really hate you
Even though you know everything
You! The reason I lived
You! Were all I wanted
You! It was me who only looked at you
Why? Why are you leaving?
Why? Why are you tossing me away?
If you were going to be like this
Why did you love me in the first place?
Do you happen to remember that day?
That day when we first met
I still remember it
The promise you made to me
That you will only care for me
That you will only protect me
That you will only love me
I believed your lies, I believed it
Did you really love me?
I’ll forget you so you can live better
Goodbye

April Fool Lover Fool

我想要靠近你一步 但你总是
忽远忽近 保持态度
直到四月一号你才透露
多残酷 原来我是April Fool

April Fool Lover Fool
笑我傻 为你哭
为你做的全部 不在乎

April Fool Lover Fool
最后终于看清楚
原来你 只要他的幸福

你对我从来都不在乎
为什么我们要有个当初
原来你 对我根本不在乎

愛不單行

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人懂怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定在一起的
那个人
很多人都像我　一个人过生活

爱只有简单笔画　
却比想像复杂
恨安定爱变化　我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍　却还是没能
将幸福留下

爱是不可数的吗　
为何我还相信　
它不是独行侠　我在等一个人
在等我的永恒　告诉我爱不
单行别害怕

用不完身边泛滥的自由
开始怕孤单是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑
以后
还是宁愿回到　
爱情那个枷锁

我在等一个人　在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行相信她

Whenever I let my mind wander, it always lead back to you.

I’ve tried soo hard to shut my feelings out but I guess I can no longer lie to myself, I can no longer convience myself that it isn’t bothering me because deep down its tearing me apart bit by bit. Is it time i faced the truth that it’s just impossible in so many ways?

I really don’t know what to do with my life right now. Everything just seems so bland. I wake up, go to work, and go home. Repeat. There’s nothing really to look forward to, except going to bed after a long day. It’s sort of like a big rhetorical question that you can barely explain.

There is only so much that one can handle yet you still find it neccessary to push me to my limits, to the point where I am gripping on the edge with nothing but a few fingers.

It’s okay, I’m use to it

I don’t even know why you bother to ask how I would feel, if you went and did this and that when we both know you’re not being considerate of my feelings at all, that you’re only doing it out of gesture to make it seem like you “care”. You know exactly what makes me happy and what makes me sad but whatevers, fuck how I feel, it’s not like you ever gave a shit anyways.

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together

I just wish, for once something would work out.

I wish you all the best..

How can I move on, when I'm still in love with you

How do I mend a broken heart?
My entire world has fallen apart.
How do I find hope in a brand new day, when the one I love has gone away?

There are just certain things in life that are better off unknown. Things you wish you never asked, never saw, never heard or never even felt.

Looking for true individuals, who love truly.

Forget everything
Forget us
Forget me
Forget YOU

Worst feelings in the world...

- Having a good night, and having it ruined with tears
- The feeling like you’re all alone, like you’re lost
- Having to look at the face of the person you love, knowing they won’t love you
- When someone tells you they don’t feel the same
- Crying so much you cry yourself to sleep
- The feeling of anger twards yourself, and her
- The feeling of being forgot, unwanted, not good enough

I thought I was strong enough to let her go, and do you know what the sad part is? Even after when I let her go, I still sits up at night and stares at my phone wondering if she misses me now that I've gone

Why can't my instinct be wrong for once when it comes to relationship? Sigh

I knew someday its going to happen, just that I did not expect it to be that fast.

Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne

I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall, you've just walked through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you to know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, oh oh

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you to know
That I never wanna let go
(Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go..)

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

I guess I knew it would never work out. You were my best friend and I was yours. But things changed and I fell in love with you. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my feelings at bay. I tried to hide them but they became too much to bear. You said that it won't work out, that you didn't love me the way I loved you. It hurt me so badly and you knew it did. You said that you would be there. That you would help me get over you. But I love you so much that my feelings just won't go away. It took a year for everything to change. We've both grown apart and barely see or talk to each other now. I'm leaving you alone so that you won't have to sacrifice anything for me. I'm leaving you alone because I love you.

What are words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

I'm upset!

Sometimes, you just have to let go. Let go of yourself and just live. Stop living in the past, or the future and just, focus on what's happening now. I mean, we're always young at heart, we just learn how to act more mature. So, stop thinking that you're not going to be ok, because if you think like that you aren't. Just, smile, and be happy. Easier than it sounds, I know but, you can get there. Sometimes it just takes that extra push, from something inside, something outside, someone inside, or someone outside. Sometimes all it takes is just that push, that spark, that realization that you're not alone; ever. Because there is always another person, who feels alone, or similar to you- therefore you're not alone in feeling that way. Look, I know that time can be hard, I know that you're going to get upset and want to scream and just give up, run away and hide, I know there will be pain, loss, hurt and heartbreak, I know you'll make mistakes that you wish you'd never made and a whole lot of other things. But I also know, that there will be times when you feel amazing that you could fly,there will joy so powerful you will feel like you're on top of the world, you'll have dreams so big, that you'll say you'll do anything to get there, there will be lessons learned that you will grateful of for years to com, there will people you meet who make you feel like never before, you'll make friendships that last a week, or a lifetime, you'll fall in and out of a complicated feeling with someone. Basically, all of this stripped down; in the end, life is worth it. Life comes with rules, extras, like, we all will some days feel awful, we'll all sometimes hate how we look, we'll all sometimes have a day where nothing and no one appeal to us. We'll also have happiness, joy and excitement; it's just how life works, it all ways out eventually. But there's always something there that's worth it. Even if it's nothing human, even if it's just the beautiful smell of the morning air, or the way the sky looks so peaceful at dawns; there is always something there to make you feel alive, happy. I suppose, that you just have to patient and find it, you just have to let yourself be free enough to get to the place where it's at; you just have to let yourself live.

Just A Dream - Sam Tsui & Christina Grimmie

iPhone4.. iPhone4.. _|_ !

I WANT TO BUY MY NEW YEAR CLOTHINGS! :((((